Life is Art

I have been missing from this blog for a while, and I apologize.  A lot has changed since I last posted, but for someone who blogs about choosing joy, I'm pleased to report that I've never been happier in my entire life!

One of the things that makes me so happy is that I've been painting...a LOT.  I think I've probably painted 20 new pieces in the past few weeks.  They aren't all good - in fact, most of them aren't at all, but a few of them just may show a little promise, and that makes me happy.

I'm starting to challenge myself using different mediums, and striving for more detail than I would have in the past.  It's hard, but I LOVE it.  Christy says I'm an artist, and that I need to create to be whole, and I think she's right about that.  I've always loved to create, but I fit it in when I could.  Now that I'm doing it all the time, it's kind of addictive.  I can see why artists choose to starve over selling out...once you get that natural high, it would be very hard to let go of.

Thankfully, my ego is in tact, even though I'm creating art along the side of an amazing *real* artist.  She has already taught me so much, and I feel so blessed.

Alas, it is time to lower myself back down from the clouds.  For now, my dreams of becoming a starving artist will be very real soon if I don't get back to work.  ;-)

Be good to yourself.

Garageband

I bought an iMac last year to work on my documentary, and it has been quite an adjustment getting used to using a computer that isn't a PC.  I still have a PC and a laptop that I use most of the time, but I have the iMac for creative projects.  I have started and stopped my documentary work many times because iMovie can be a bit confusing, but now I have a book to help me through it.

Macs also come with a program called Garageband, and I have heard great things about it, but I hadn't gotten around to trying it until today.  Let me tell you, it is AWEsome.  I started working on an oil painting this afternoon, and I had the idea to record back up to a hip hop track by only using a canvas (for a painting) as the instrument other than my voice. 

You can layer different sounds to make the track, of course, so I did one layer of me just rhythmically scratching the canvas, which sounded like a record scratch, and then I used it as a few different drum sounds, and I also added a few layers of me beat boxing, and then I wrote the lyrics to go with it, and I recorded the chorus and the rap that goes along with it.  What fun! 

I'm going to re-record the whole thing another time because I know how to use the program better now that I played around with it, and then I'll post a link to the song.

You can record original sounds, vocals, instruments, etc...  You can also use the software instruments that are preloaded into the program, so I also recorded a dance/trance track that came out really cool.  You can actually use the keyboard as a piano, drum set, guitar, etc...

I know I'm going to have a LOT of fun with this program, and I'll probably record a full length album in my home office.  Unless I upgrade my equipment, it certainly wouldn't be professional quality, but I think it would be fun for friends and youtube at the very least.  :)

I also ended up finishing the oil painting I started, and I think it will look cool in the new movie theater nook we have. 

I absolutely love to create, and I am going to make a conscious effort to spend a little time each week working on creative projects.  That's my goal at least!

A little stab of love

Darcy had an appointment for acupuncture earlier this week, and I decided I wanted to join her and take part in the fun!  I'd never been before, but I'm open to all new life experiences.  There is a wonderful little place in Manchester called Manchester Acupuncture Studio, and they operate under the philosophy that acupuncture is a valid medical option and it should not be cost prohibative.

As such, they price their sessions between $15 and $35 - you choose what you can afford to pay.  To keep costs down, they model the traditional community room setting that was most traditional in acupuncture settings in Asia.

We started by answering a fairly in depth medical questionnaire, and then we met with a consultant and discussed what our goals were, as well as our initial treatment plans.  Then we went into a cozy room with brick walls, high ceilings, lights, plants, and soothing sounds where we relaxed in a recliner and suggled up with a blanket while the hair thin needles were inserted into key locations, based upon our goals.

It was incredibly relaxing.  Many people fall into deep sleep that lasts for hours, and that is encouraged.  Others may just rest for 20-30 minutes and feel that is enough.  We were in that group, though they did warn us that the more we visit, the more comfortable we will be, so we may stay longer and longer. 

I can't wait to go again, and I'm in luck, because I have another appointment this morning!

With a song in my heart

While I do my best to choose joy daily, sometimes the things that take up the majority of my time in life end up souring my outlook, just a bit.  It's probably no coincidence that I have these feelings around the time I PMS, but there will always be those annoying times at life that cause us to choose misery and despair over joy.  It's our job to make sure we fight back.

Last night, I was feeling kind of blah.  I have a never ending pile of work to be done, that I couldn't possibly complete in normal business hours, my classes this semester are a time draining annoyance to me, and I can't seem to find the time to do all the work, I need to spend a lot of time working out to accomplish my weight loss and fitness goals, I need to devote about a month to reorganizing my house to make it work for me, and by the time I'm done with all of that stuff, when am I supposed to do the things I am passionate about?

Well, I truly don't know.  What I do know, however, is that when I feel this way, I need to take a step back and slow down.  If I don't, 10 years will pass and I'll be troubled by the same things. 

To give myself a moment to reflect, I decided to spend sometime outside in my hot tub, staring up at the sky and consider the things I care about.  I know I want to spend my life creating, doing good, being a force of positive change, laughing, loving and spreading joy.  Until I can afford to do that full time, I need to make sure I have time for these things in my day to day life.

Today, I decided to bring my iPod to work with me.  Work can be drainging, but it's a lot more fun if I'm chair dancing.  You should try it.

Sometimes the littlest of things are all we need to get us over a hump until we find our way back to our paths.

A lovely morning

I didn't have to be up early this morning, but I was done sleeping at 5:30 AM, so I headed to the gym.  I know that most people (including me usually!) go to the gym to work out, but I had a different agenda today.  My back and neck are still quite sore, so I just went in for a quick tanning session.  I know that tanning isn't good for you if you do it all the time, but I think if you just do it a few times in the winter, it can't possibly do long term damage...at least that's what I tell myself!  :)

As I laid in the tanning bed, I closed my eyes and pictured that I was lying on the beach in Ft. Lauderdale, with the big green waves crashing on the shore, and the sun beating down on me.  Ahhhhhhhhhh.

This is the first winter (in as long as I can remember) that I haven't planned a trip south (Dallas and Atlanta don't count because I said so).  I know there's still time, and I probably will, but I don't know....Darcy really doesn't have any time off, so it would have to be a weekend thing, and I don't know if I want to risk getting sick on the plane (which ALWAYS happens) for just a weekend away. 

It doesn't hurt that we have Paris and Tuscany to look forward to in April...

So every once in a while, I go for a tan, and I pretend that it's not winter, and that it's the sun making me warm, and not gross synthetic bulbs.  I think we all get a touch of seasonal affective disorder, and it's a good idea to find those things that help us escape the winter blues.

When I came home, I decided to go into the hot tub, and while I soaked, I watched the sun rise over the frozen lake, and I thanked God for all the beauty and the blessings in my life.

Imagine One Voice

As many of you know, I recently created a group called Imagine One Voice to raise up solutions to pressing social issues to political leaders.  Today I will be meeting with some members of Senator Shaheen's staff to discuss some of these solutions.  My hopes for this meeting are really just to leave with a plan to push some of these solutions forward. 

I have drafted a very simple presentation that outlines the objectives of the discussion, as well as some very high level descriptions of possible solutions to the current jobs crisis in the US.  I have a unique skill set, and I think my experience in Human Resources and my interest in the economy and bipartisan political initiatives should suit me well to being part of the solution.

I am willing to wager that there are probably many people like me who have skills and interest to contribute to solving some of our nation's toughest problems.  Right now, too many hands are in the pot in Washington.  Fixing something as simple as no longer offering tax breaks to US companies off shoring work and business, is ridden with implications to agendas on the right and the left. 

We need to take the politics of the issues out of the issues alltogether.  We need to give some control back to the people who aren't worried about getting campaign financing or re-elections or deals that have been made - people who just want to see this country set on a course for success and wellness. 

The idea behind Imagine One Voice is very simple - it's just the concept that one person's voice can be heard.  One person can make a difference.  Right now, our group has 69 members, and we are growing every day.  I'm hoping that the meeting today will lead to new opportunities, and that our voices can unite as we identify real, relevant, meaningful solutions to the issues we face today.

Web site:  http://www.imagineonevoice.com/
Facebook group:  http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?gid=192305551694&ref=ts

New year, New Clothes

I have been working hard to lose weight, and I want to feel good about myself in the process.  I ended up buying some shoes, accessories, several shirts, a few blazers, jeans...I think that was it.  Here are a few of the items:

I ordered them all on Amazon, so I won't have them for a week or so, but I'm really looking forward to their arrival!!

New Year's Resolutions

I think we all know for the most part that New Year's Resolutions do not generally stick, but that doesn't stop me from taking time each New Year's (and at other points during the year) to assess where I am, where I want to go, and put goals in place for myself.

Let's see how I did on the goals I had this last year:

• Write 4 songs to sell  - I started at least four, and I finished a few, but they aren't ready to sell yet
• Finish Documentary - I need to learn how to use my iMac and iMovie first, but I am about 30% done
• Record a CD - DONE!
• Stick to my budget - Eh...not so much, but probably 80%
• Eat whole, locally grown organic foods - 50% so far
• Spend lots of time outside - DONE!
• Launch my business - DONE!
• Publish 6 articles - DONE!
• Write 2 books in the next 12 months - No, but I have about 60 pages of one book done so far
• Read 3-4 books each month - DONE!
• Write every day - DONE!
• Work out 6-7 days/week - about 25% of the time
• Lose 80 lbs - 0% done

Overall, I accomplished the majority of my goals, and I made headway on some of the others.  I am sure I did more than I would have without the goals, so I will continue setting goals! 

Here are my goals for 2010:

• Complete my current degree program
• Lose 80 lbs
• Complete at least one sprint triathlon
• Complete writing one book
• Complete one film, no matter how short

I'm trying to be more realistic with myself, which is why I have fewer goals this year than last.  I was going to try to just pick one, but that's silly.  The first three items on the list are already done in my head - they are must do's, so the last 2 are the stretch goals.  If I can write a book, complete one film, lose all the weight I have to lose, finish my degree and complete a triathlon in 2010, I will be thrilled.  That will be a good year.

There are other things I hope to accomplish, such as my work with Imagine One Voice, financial goals and career goals, but those ambitions will be the gravy to the core essential goals I've listed above.  I feel it's important for short term goals to match long term goals, and I've been giving a lot of thought to my long term goals recently as well.

I want to be financially stable enough that I am not limited on life choices due to financial obligations, as I am currently.  I own 2 homes, one of which I'm significantly upside down in, and another which I may be somewhat upside down in.  I bought them both right before the market crashed...back when I still thought real estate was a no brainer investment.  Silly me.  Right now, I am tied down to my current location and current income bracket due to my financial obligations.  Someday, I would like to return to the place where I could make life decisions based upon what I believed I should do, not based upon what I had to do.

I am not alone.  I think most people I know are really owned by their homes and debts.  I would like to free myself of any chains that may hold me down.  Thankfully, I work in healthcare, and I find meaning in the mission behind the work I do, but I still know my financial obligations have limited my choices to some extent.

My long term goal is a bit vague...I just want to leave this world a little better off than it was when I found it.  I want the people in my life to live better lives because of the impact I had on them...  I want to always strive for justice and fight for human rights, globally.  I want to help feed people who are hungry, help the unemployed find work, and make peace. 

I know that may sound naive, but that's what I plan to do.  That's what I do now when I can, and I'm hoping that with age, I can spend more and more time accomplishing those goals.

To feed my soul and spirit, I will continue to embrace the arts, search for beauty everywhere, travel to the ends of the earth, continue my spiritual journey, and function as a relentless student of life.

I really sound like an idealistic 19 year old here...it's funny to think that part of me is a 33 year old yuppie, card carrying member of the rat race.  I keep myself from being too grounded by embracing a youthful spirit and wonder, coloring outside of the lines, and taking very little seriously. 

Anyway, I is who I is, and I like myself.  I hope you can say the same for you.  :) 

Happy New Year to all!!

Beating a dead horse...but couldn't help it...

Accenture must want a refund, big time...their whole campaign plays into these jokes way too easily.  Oh well... 

I don't think the fame and money we throw at our celebreties is good for anyone.  It's not good for them, it's not good for kids who grow up thinking they have to be megarich/megasuccessful/megabeautiful to have made it...  What's that song out right now?  Drake? "I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful..."  He sings about how he wants the money and the cars and the clothes, and he equates that with being successful.

I bet Tiger Woods doesn't feel very successful.  He's the epitome of success, but he's failed himself and his family.  I feel for him, though.  If from the time you are young, you are meant to feel like a god, invicible, you're going to start believing it.  It's not healthy.  That's not to say he doesn't have free will, but I think we can find more examples of "successful" celebrities that are really just a big hot mess, than the examples who have used their fame and fortune to live good, healthy lives.  It's human nature.

Our celebrities are kind of like our false gods...yet our worship for them is what ends up destroying them.  It's kind of interesting to see.  We chew them up and spit them out when we no longer have any use for them.

Dance, monkey, dance!

It's no wonder child stars end up being the dregs of society.  What else have they been set up for?  They are hearing they are the center of the universe during their formative years, and then the reality is that no one has any use for them anymore, and the highlight of their life was at age 5 or 8 or 14.  The rest of life is a giant disappointment. 

Part of my job involves compensation strategy.  We look at the market, the job duties, etc... and we deterimine what each job is worth.  Generally, with more responsibility, comes greater compensation.

Not that I think government should regulate compensation, but how is it that a paramedic, responsible for saving lives, is paid half of what a customer service rep at Verizon makes?  Why does the president of the US make far less than a CEO of any old company in the US?  Why do our actors and athletes make millions more than the scientists and researchers who are responsible for curing cancer, or national defense?

Why do we even allow athletes and actors to make 10s of millions of dollars, when we could just take a fraction of their salaries and feed the hungry?  It seems a bit corrupt and immoral or at least amoral, when you look at it that way.

In the mean time, our misguided values will create and destry more Tiger Woods', Charlie Sheen's and Britney Murphy's.

Holiday travel

I tend to avoid situations that are unpleasant, so as of yet, I have never flown anywhere in peak travel times.  In general, I take my vacations Wednesday to Wednesday because it's a good day to travel.  I almost never fly on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday because I know they are such high volume days.  When we flew to Dallas 2 weekends ago, we flew out on a Friday night and back on a Sunday afternoon.  The flight was one of the only direct flights from Boston to Dallas, so it was packed, as you can imagine.  There flights were sold out, and Darcy and I couldn't even sit next to each other on the way home. 

That's generally not how I roll.  I think that we can cut out a lot of the annoyances of life, just by planning to do so.  I know that we are wired to think a vacation lasts from one weekend to the next, but why not book a trip mid week to mid week?  Airfare is cheaper, and planes are less crowded.  Plus, you get 2 half weeks of work shouldering the trip, so it's kind of like a longer vacation.  ;-)

Today, we are flying to Atlanta.  It's 2 days before Christmas, and the airports are still playing catch up from the cancelled flights from the weekend.  I can't imagine how busy the airport is going to be, but I'm mentally preparing myself already.  We are already checked in, with boarding passes printed up, and we aren't checking any luggage, but we plan to arrive at the airport 2 hrs before take off. 

That should give us plenty of time to get through security, and if we have extra time, we can enjoy a relaxing meal before we depart.  Philadelphia may be a bit more dicey.  We have a layover there, and our flight has a winter advisory attached to it.  I know they were hit worse with the snow, so I'm sure it will be a zoo.  We don't have a ton of time to get from one plane to the next, but we never check any luggage, so all we need to worry about is getting ourselves to the gate on time.

I always prepare myself for the worst, while hoping for the best.  If our flights get cancelled, we'll make it there eventually, and everything will be just fine.  I do not understand worry.  Worry changes nothing, while inhibiting your ability to flex with change.  How is that useful?

In life, I try to avoid situations that could be stressful.  It's easier than you would think.  When potentially stressful situations are unavoidable, I find a plan to manage the possible variances up front.  There are always going to be things that are out of our control, and that's fine too.  Things in our control, however, can be managed in a way to reduce stress and limit worry.  Why leave things to chance that don't need to be?

Limiting stress and anxiety is within our control.  Planning and organization are key components, but also finding the ability to let go...  "Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff"  ?? - exactly.  :)

The Holiday Spirit

We are winding down with our holiday work, as we have cookie exchanges, team breakfasts, gift swapping and the like.  It's a fun time of year, when people cast aside the layers of trouble and stress and we can all focus on what it means to be alive and to love...so why is everyone so stressed out?

I have talked to so many people already today, and the overall theme has been stress!  How will they finish shopping?  How can they accommodate all the extra guests who are coming?  How can they possibly fit it all in???!!!

Are we missing the point here?  Just a little bit?  I know my observations are nothing new, so why are we still here?  Loved ones, I promise you that I don't care what you get me for gifts.  I do appreciate the thought and the efforts, but I'm far more interested in spending time with you, enjoying the holiday spirit, following old traditions and creating new ones...  I don't care if the turkey is dry (not that we're having turkey, and certainly not that anyone in my family would ever make a cooking error!  LOL), and I don't mind if the houses I visit are not perfectly neat....nobody does.  :)

If I ever start to stress out over something that is meant to be a time of peace, love and goodwill, I will no longer celebrate the holidays because I will have clearly missed the point.  Our kids will not remember the Zhu Zhu pets they received or the tickle me elmo or the crazy eyed stuffed toy that was so popular years back.  They will remember the things we remember from our childhoods - the smell of apple cider in the crock pot, the way Mrs. Post used to corral us to drink her wassail bowl, the big green and red felt "Merry Christmas" sign Mom would hang each black Friday, the straw from the manger scene that I sometimes picked off the roof of the manger when playing with the first family, the songs we would sing that warmed our hearts and souls, the wax from the Christmas Eve candles that would drip through the cups onto our hands, the Christmas Eve gift I would open each year that would always turn out to be warm, cuddley pajamas, Mrs. Porbundawala's lemon bread and the feeling of profound love for my family and celebration as we remembered the story of the birth of Christ.

No amount of advertising or media pressure can take that away from me.  That is Christmas to me.  The rest of it, I chalk up to accessories to our memories, and they should be treated as just that.

I'm flying to Atlanta for Christmas this year.  I'm doing all of my shopping on 12/24.  I realize to some, that would cause stress, but I'm not worried about it.  Last year, all the gifts I ordered online didn't arrive in time, so I had to do all of my shopping all over again at the last minute when I arrived in Georgia, and it was fine.  I won't have the time to hunt down that perfect present for everyone, but who cares?  I haven't seen my sister and her family in a year - that's all that matters. 

So, gentle readers, if you have been plagued with a bit of the yuletide yucks, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remember the holidays through you childhood eyes. 

Be well!

Mastering the Art of French Cooking

On the off chance that you happen to live under a rock, and yet still manage to follow this blog, "The Art of French Cooking" is the cookbook that not only put Julia Child on the map, but also transformed the way we cook and eat in America.  It consists of 536 recipes, and I've often heard that once you have been able to cook your way through this book, you can cook just about anything.  The skills you learn in this book will enable you to master Italian, Mexican and any other cuisine out there.  I've always wanted to cook my way through this book, but who has the time?

This weekend, I finally had a chance to watch Julie and Julia - the tale of a blogger who cooked her way through Julia's cookbook in one year, blogging all the way, and now has a book and movie deal.  I had asked for the cookbook for my birthday this year, because I knew when I saw the movie, I would need to cook my way through the cookbook as well.

Yesterday, I took my first step into cooking french cuisine.  I ended up making 3 recipes from the book, since one of them was dependent upon another.  I made Sauté de boeuf à la Parisienne with Champignons Sautés Au Beurre and Pommes de Terre Sautés.  Everything sounds so much better in French.  Really, what I made was Beef Sauté with Cream and Mushroom Sauce with Mushrooms sauteed in butter and herbs and potatos sauteed in butter.  LOL - Healthy!  :)  Here is a picture of the finished product:

I believe these were some of her easier recipes, and I probably spent at least 90 minutes preparing the meal.  Normally, I *never* follow any receipes - I'll take ideas from recipes, but I just do my own thing, and everything usually turns out quite well.  The kind of cooking I do, however, and the kind of cooking   described in this book are not the same thing at all.  It's like the difference between coloring in a coloring book and learning to paint from Picasso.  Seriously.  But Picasso has somehow learned to teach someone with only skills to color, how to paint pretty close to a professional level. 

Julia's genious was not in her cooking, although it was certainly there, but more in relating the most exquisite of techniques into layman's terms.  I had a wonderful time following the recipes, and it was a bit challenging.  I can only imagine the more robust recipes that are in my future.  I can't wait to cook all of them. 

The food was absolutely phenomenal.  I can say that because I give full credit to Ms. Child.  It was abolutely fine dining restaurant quality food that I would confidently serve to any guest I would ever have.  I can't believe the difference using the techniques taught in this book makes. 

I was supposed to work all day yesterday, but we had a snow storm, and I decided to cook and enjoy wonderful food instead of working.  I do not regret my decision at all, even though I'll have to work extra late tonight - we had a *wonderful* day, and I learned a lot!

Friends rock

When I walked in from the airport yesterday, I was greeted by this BEAUTIFUL bouquet of flowers with all of these cute CD cut outs of the face of my CD.  Thank you so much, Alison!

It really made my day, and I brought one of the cut outs to work with me and taped it to my wall.  :)

Oh what fun...

We decorated for Christmas when my parents were here, but we didn't get a tree yet.  I think today is going to be the day!  It's supposed to snow tonight, and I thought it would be fun to play Christmas songs, have cider or egg nog, and decorate the tree with the backdrop of snow falling.  How very Norman Rockwell...

We are going to Noel's Tree Farm in Litchfield to cut down our own tree.  They also have hayrides, hot chocolate, marshmallow roasting, live animals and more.  I'm excited!  I heard their trees are a little on the short side, but that's okay with me.  I usually buy a giant tree for the great room, and it always looks dwarfed, in addition to being a giant nuisance.

This year, we are going to put the tree in the parlor room (LOL), near the fireplace.  I think it will be very cute there...possibly even darling.

I can't wait! 

Public Speaking

I have spent a great deal of time this week giving presentations, and I don't see that ending any time soon.  In my new role, it seems they want me to talk a lot.  I don't mind, but it can be hard to get work done if I'm constantly "performing."

I wonder to myself...am I going to have some role or some next step in life that involves a lot of public speaking?  Is that why I'm suddenly in public speaking bootcamp?  Now, as you know, I've done a good share of public speaking for years, but over the next few months, I'll be doing about 4 presentations each week, on various topics, to various audiences.

I'm wondering if Oprah is behind all this, somehow grooming me to take her place.  Oh, O, that is so you!

I gave one presentation this morning, and it went well, and the people were so interested in the topic, that I launched into a condensed version of a separate presentation after, and did both for them.  Tadaaaaa!

Look what I can do!

haha

I've been invited to speak at the local prison to help the inmates with job seeking skills when they are released.  I think it's a great program, and naturally, I love the opportunity to visit a prison, and of course, I'm bringing TJ.  I knew he'd want in on this action too. 

It's a great experience to be able to speak to all different kinds of audiences.  In fact, perhaps I am the answer to Palin's 2012 run? 

LOL - no thanks, Oprah makes way more money and is way more respected and beloved than any president.  ;-)

Delusions of grandeur aside, I'm wondering when I'm supposed to get all my work done when I'm presenting or planning for presentations all the time. 

Hmmmmmmmm.....

Oh well - I'll git er done.

Oh my, I am a loser

I'm an envelope pusher.  We know this.  I like to know how far I can go - I like to know where my boundaries are.  So I have a newish car, and I thought I remembered that it wasn't as generous on the empty side as my BMW that seemed to run for 100 miles once it was on E (no exagerration).  As it turns out, my memory was correct, and the Mercedes means business when it hits E!

Now, in fairness to my new car, the E light probably went on 3 days ago, but it wasn't until yesterday that it actually hit the bottom line.  Still, I drove to and from work to my house, but it wasn't very far under that bottom line, so I thought I'd see if I could make it to work (today, my office was only 3 miles away) with the gas that I had, and I'd stop to refuel on the way home.

When I was 2 blocks from the office, I sat at a red light for what seemed like an eternity when my car stalled out.  I was also only 2 blocks from a gas station, so I put my hazards on, thanked my lucky stars I had cash with me b/c I didn't have any credit cards on me, and I had just spent my "emergency" car cash on the movies the other day.

It was cold, but not freezing, so I walked to the gas station, bought a gas container (I have about a thousand at the house) - it was just a one gallon one, and it may as well have been a rocket ship, because it was that confusing to use.  The very nice attendant showed me how to assemble it, and work all the gears (yes, there were gears on the thing!!), and I got my gallon of gas and headed back to my car.

I finally figured out how to pump the thing, and I released the lonely gallon of gas into my car.  While I was doing this, a few nice people asked if I needed help because NH is a nice state to live in.  With the gallon of gas in the tank, I climbed into the drivers' seat and turned the key....nothing.

It turned over, but it kept dying.  I called a friend who's a mechanic to ask him if perhaps I just hadn't put enough gas in, because it was *so* empty, that the one gallon wasn't enough for it to go vroom.  He said that was doubtful.

I have emergency roadside assistance that I could have used, but naturally, I didn't believe the mechanic.  Of course I know more about cars than someone who has worked on them his whole life.  After sitting in the car for a while to let it dry out (worried I'd flooded it with all the attempts to start it), it still wouldn't start.  Rather than calling my roadside assistance (still), I went back up the hill to the gas station, and bought another gallon of gas.

It was getting colder and windier out, and I was uncomfortable in my attire.  My suit looks perfectly fine, but our wonderful new dryer makes all of my shirts too short, so the shirt I had on underneath the suit was only acceptable under the best of conditions.  Hiking up hills and bending over to assemble a gas container on a windy day were not compatible conditions to this outfit.  I reminded myself how it's so important to wear nice, comfortable clothing that is not dependent upon perfect conditions.  LOL

I couldn't open the contraption, so I had to go back into the store (for a third time) to ask the attendant to help me with it.  I'm not a person who likes to ask for help, but I didn't suppose I could abandon my car and just go home, so I didn't have much of a choice.  I sucked it up, and he helped me.

I brought my second gallon of gas back to my car, emptied it into the tank, and voila - it worked.  I was right about this, at least. 

Now, this is how much of a loser I really am.  When I came back with the first gallon, I had thought to myself that I'd just go to work and fill the tank on my way home.  I was going to drive around with less than one gallon in a tank that I had already managed to empty this day.

I think it was karma slapping my face that the first gallon didn't work.  ;-)  By the time I emptied the second gallon in and it worked, I drove directly to the gas station and filled my tank to the brim.

I have learned my lesson.  The Mercedes likes to run on a full tank - you get better gas mileage that way anyway.

I will continue to push envelopes, but not with gas tanks, and not with shirts that need to be longer.

:)

My first webinar

Yesterday, I presented to my first webinar audience.  It probably would have been better if I had given my first webinar within my own company, or in a more familiar forum, but I'm kind of a jump in feet first type of person, so of course, I presented my first webinar to over 300 people from all around the US.  I really didn't know what to expect, because I haven't even attended many webinars, but I figured I'd get the hang of it.

When we did our trial run, I realized that the software we were using didn't allow some of the formatting I'd planned for in my powerpoint presentation.  I also learned that because of the group size, interactivity was limited to poll questions and questions that were typed up that I could read on the side of my screen as I presented, rather than just asking the audience a question and listening to their answers.

There's a lot more multi-tasking that goes into a webinar than a live presentation, I quickly found.  I thought that presenting to a group over the phone would be easier than an in person presentation, but I found that was not the case at all.  I can't see anyone, so I have no idea if they are with me or not.  When I'm presenting, I look for eye contact, nodding of heads, etc... to let me know if I'm on the right track.  If certain topics seem to be losing people, I shift gears.

There was none of that.  It was me, in my office, talking to a computer screen.  Very odd.  The whole process made me feel quite old, actually.  LOL. 

In the end, it turned out very well, as I mentioned, I had over 300 attendees, and only 5 left during the presentation, which is very good for a group that size.  You can see the amount of attendees in the top screen, and I've attended webinars that have lost half their audience, easily.  People are dialing in from work, and if they are called away, or if the material doesn't resonate, it's very easy to just sign off.

I was really surprised how many people stayed with it.  In the end, the feedback I received was very favorable, and they've asked me to present again shortly.  As much as I don't love doing these things, I'm sure I will agree to do it again.

It's a good thing to push yourself out of your comfort zone.  As humans, we can adapt to just about anything, and each new experience is an opportunity to grow and learn and connect.  I saw the movie "Yes, Man" a while back, and while the premise of saying yes to *everything* you are presented with is a bit implausible, saying yes to things that you may not be comfortable with, can be a great life experience for you.

All of our life experiences prepare us for our future, and the greater our capacity, the more we can accomplish. 

Achieving Zen

Thankfully, I'm not overwhelmed as I was when I last posted here.  I still have plenty of reasons to feel overwhelmed, but I am not giving them space in my psyche.  I am a busy person, and I can only do what I can do.  I will do my best, and I will use my time wisely, but I will be peaceful in my efforts.

As I've said many times, worry and anxiety are wasted emotions.  I think achieving a zen like state or a state of peace and serenity can be reached in many ways.  ...sometimes through prayer, other times through meditation and quiet, sometimes in nature, and even times in music or art...

I started to feel a bit of anxiety earlier today.  I'm doing a webinar for hundreds of participants online this afternoon, and as usual, I'm not as prepared as I'd like to be.  I just finished making edits to the presentation an hour ago, and my pre-meeting is in one hour - the webinar starts in 2.  I haven't been through the entire content yet as a dry run, and I've never done a webinar before, so I don't really know exactly what to expect.

I do know that due to the group size, it won't be interactive, which is what I rely on quite a bit when I present.  I like to build interest in the topics I discuss by asking questions and hearing from the participants.  Since that isn't the case here, I will basically be lecturing for an hour.

I don't love presenting, but I know it's good for my career, and I also like to share what I've learned with others.  The more I do it, the less I mind it, but still, it's one of those things that I'm never 100% comfortable with because I never have enough time to prepare as one should.

I was in a public speaking training a few years back, and the coach suggested that you should rehearse a presentation up to 20 times before giving it live.  I'm lucky if I can get one full run through, let alone more than that.

Still, I stopped my anxiety from rising.  I'm good at what I do.  I know my subject matter.  If I don't talk for a full hour, that is fine too.  In the scheme of life, this, like most things, is not a big deal...at all...

I want to fit it all in - work, school, play, music, art, tv show, fitness....and sometimes I'm not able to.  Sometimes I can only do my best.  That is okay.  This life of ours is very short, and we only get one shot to make it count.  You are in charge of your own attitude.  Do not let stress or negativity poison your wonderful stay here on earth. 

:)

Overwhelmed

It's hard not to feel overwhelmed sometimes.  I have a high capacity for work and stress, but even I feel overwhlemed...sometimes.  Today is one of those days.  I have a mountain of work to do, homework that is past due, classes to register for, holiday flights I need to book, presentations I need to plan, a CD to follow up on (because the ball keeps getting dropped!)...and honestly, if I wasn't feeling under the weather, I don't think I'd even notice.

Most days I have a million things to do, and that's just how I roll, but when I'm feeling sick and tired, it just feels like it's all too much.  Life is short, and I try to fit it all in.  I do choose joy, and I choose vitality, but sometimes I wish I could take a break from myself.  I look at the way some other people life, going to work a fairly mindless job, coming home, doing errands, having dinner, watching tv, doing stuff around the house on the weekends, and that's the gig - sometimes I think that would be a nice way to live...but I know I just don't have it in me.

I have too much to say, to express...too much ADHD possibly - LOL...  I may just be destined for a very busy life, and even though I'm busy, I still always find time for me as well, because balance is so important.  On a day like today, however, I just wish I could take a pass, clear my busy little brain, and have things a little less complicated.

That's not going to happen, though, and I know I'm only feeling that way because I don't feel well and I'm tired, and I have so much to do, so rather than continuing to feel overwhelmed, I'm going to make a list of everything I need to do for work and home and school and everything else, and I'm going to finish everything on that list today.  I'm not going to go to bed until it's all done.

That's my plan.  Having a plan already makes me feel like I can breathe.  Ahhhh....

...al...most....there......

I met with my academic advisors yesterday, and we spent a looong time going over all my credits and looking at all the courses/requirements I still need to complete to finish.  I switched my major 10 times (at least), so as a result, some of the classes I took just didn't fit into any slots - others had expired - and others I managed to take multiple times because I was never very organized about my approach to completing.

I really didn't care.  I just knew I should be in school and at some point, I was bound to finish.  Apparently, it takes slightly more planning.  LOL.  It's just been such an after/after/after/after thought of mine.  Anyway, we compared my expertise and knowledge base to my remaining requirements, and apparently, I only have 2 classes left. 

I've known I was close for a while, but without having an organized approach, it could have taken me another decade or so.  As long as those 2 classes are available during the winter intensive session, I will be done with my classes in January.  After that, I'll need to prepare porfolio upon portfolio to satisfy all the other requirements.  They have warned me that these projects are very labor intensive, but I have a feeling it won't be so bad.

I can't apply for graduation until all of my portfolios have been submitted, and I have to apply for graduation 6 months before it actually happens, so the Good Lord only knows when that will be, but the important thing here is that I'm almost done.

I'm thinking of really shooting for the stars and getting a substandard graduate degree next.  Watch out!